How “Because you’re a Woman” came into
being
Because You’re a Woman grew from one poem. At the time I wrote that poem –some thirty years ago now - I had no idea that it was the beginning of an opening and unfolding that would eventually become a book. Having suffered a complete breakdown and being taken into hospital - the nurses, concerned about my self-destructive actions encouraged me to bring out the anger I had long suppressed, by writing it down on paper. But instead of a stream of angry, unconnected words, came lines of poetry describing the emotional turmoil I experienced as a little girl. One poem followed another, and I eventually finished up with a collection of them.
I began to consider printing a small book of the poetry but then thought “Hang on”. This is not all that I am – there is more to me than the abused child. So I decided that I should try and write my story in a way that would greatly impact the reader showing how an outwardly ordinary family life could hide the existence of abuse. And I felt that embedding the poems within the story of my life would work well as an effective means of expressing this.
Why I published “Because you’re a Woman”
I became determined to publish BYAW, when I realised that my knowledge and experience could inspire other women who, had experienced childhood sexual abuse to overcome their trauma and live more wholesome lives.
There is a wall of silence around the subject, and the many women who suffer the devastating long-term effects need more support and encouragement to break free from the continuous pain, shame and guilt that it brings.
The reaction to the book has been phenomenal – both from men and women.
Men have said how moving it was to read the story from a male viewpoint.
Reading how I faced and dealt with my childhood abuse and that I refused to let it define the remainder of my life has shown other women that it is possible to break free from the emotional chains that bind you to the traumatic experiences.
Some have told me that they know someone who is struggling with the issue and have passed the book onto them as they believed it would help.
Quite a few have asked me: “Are you not worried or embarrassed about everyone knowing what happened to you?”
My answer to this question provided the signpost to what comes next. I must be able to stand up and say what happened, to show that I am not ashamed, that I do not carry the guilt – because that is the only way that I can show other women that the secret that they are holding within them, that is causing them so much pain, can be told. Told because the guilt is not theirs to carry.
I had shown the poems and first scribblings of my early life to a friend who was an English teacher.
Her reaction was very positive, and she encouraged me to continue with the story because she was ‘hooked’
and wanted to know more. She also felt that the poetry was extremely powerful and dramatic and yet somehow softened the bare harshness that describing the abuse in prose would have on the reader.
And so was born “Because You’re a Woman”.
How “Because you’re a Woman” came into
being
Because You’re a Woman grew from one poem. At the time I wrote that poem –some thirty years ago now - I had no idea that it was the beginning of an opening and unfolding that would eventually become a book. Having suffered a complete breakdown and being taken into hospital - the nurses, concerned about my self-destructive actions encouraged me to bring out the anger I had long suppressed, by writing it down on paper. But instead of a stream of angry, unconnected words, came lines of poetry describing the emotional turmoil I experienced as a little girl. One poem followed another, and I eventually finished up with a collection of them.
I began to consider printing a small book of the poetry but then thought “Hang on”. This is not all that I am – there is more to me than the abused child. So I decided that I should try and write my story in a way that would greatly impact the reader showing how an outwardly ordinary family life could hide the existence of abuse. And I felt that embedding the poems within the story of my life would work well as an effective means of expressing this.
Why I published “Because you’re a Woman”
I became determined to publish BYAW, when I realised that my knowledge and experience could inspire other women who, had experienced childhood sexual abuse to overcome their trauma and live more wholesome lives.
There is a wall of silence around the subject, and the many women who suffer the devastating long-term effects need more support and encouragement to break free from the continuous pain, shame and guilt that it brings.
The reaction to the book has been phenomenal – both from men and women.
Men have said how moving it was to read the story from a male viewpoint.
Reading how I faced and dealt with my childhood abuse and that I refused to let it define the remainder of my life has shown other women that it is possible to break free from the emotional chains that bind you to the traumatic experiences.
Some have told me that they know someone who is struggling with the issue and have passed the book onto them as they believed it would help.
Quite a few have asked me: “Are you not worried or embarrassed about everyone knowing what happened to you?”
My answer to this question provided the signpost to what comes next. I must be able to stand up and say what happened, to show that I am not ashamed, that I do not carry the guilt – because that is the only way that I can show other women that the secret that they are holding within them, that is causing them so much pain, can be told. Told because the guilt is not theirs to carry.
I had shown the poems and first scribblings of my early life to a friend who was an English teacher.
Her reaction was very positive, and she encouraged me to continue with the story because she was ‘hooked’
and wanted to know more. She also felt that the poetry was extremely powerful and dramatic and yet somehow softened the bare harshness that describing the abuse in prose would have on the reader.
And so was born “Because You’re a Woman”.
Reviews
"I've just finished reading your book - it's wonderful! I have been gripped by it, moved, saddened, infuriated, and ultimately hugely encouraged. The poetry that intersperses it is a particular gift, a route to the deep feelings attached to the events and people that you have experienced through your life. Thank you so much for daring to do this, and for persisting with it until it was published. I'll be recommending it to our students and will talk about it when I lead a new weekend module we're doing next Feb on working with survivors of abuse. Thank you Jacki!”
- Mary Sutton, KAM Associates Ltd: Therapeutic Counselling, Supervision & Training
More personal, deeply moving messages from other readers:
A letter from a lady who is struggling with the long-term effects of sexual abuse - she has given permission to use her words - she felt compelled to write to Jacki after reading the book:
“At times I just want the pain and hurt to stop and to be able to find safe channels for all the anger; to be able to find a time of peace and calm in my life away from all the depression and anxiety. I bought it last week, and once I picked it up I couldn’t put it down”
“The poem “Daughter” was one of the most beautiful pieces of writing I have ever read. I have not yet managed to read it to my girls without crying, but that day will come”
Reviews
"I've just finished reading your book - it's wonderful! I have been gripped by it, moved, saddened, infuriated, and ultimately hugely encouraged. The poetry that intersperses it is a particular gift, a route to the deep feelings attached to the events and people that you have experienced through your life. Thank you so much for daring to do this, and for persisting with it until it was published. I'll be recommending it to our students and will talk about it when I lead a new weekend module we're doing next Feb on working with survivors of abuse. Thank you Jacki!”
- Mary Sutton, KAM Associates Ltd: Therapeutic Counselling, Supervision & Training
More personal, deeply moving messages from other readers:
A letter from a lady who is struggling with the long-term effects of sexual abuse - she has given permission to use her words - she felt compelled to write to Jacki after reading the book:
“At times I just want the pain and hurt to stop and to be able to find safe channels for all the anger; to be able to find a time of peace and calm in my life away from all the depression and anxiety. I bought it last week, and once I picked it up I couldn’t put it down”
“The poem “Daughter” was one of the most beautiful pieces of writing I have ever read. I have not yet managed to read it to my girls without crying, but that day will come”
